dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
