I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We need to get me chipped asap
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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