there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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