is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
