Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
