I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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