Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
