The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
