That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
