I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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