Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
