I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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