you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
