So drunk its hurt
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
