so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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