I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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