Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
