you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Someone came in the potted fern
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
