Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
