our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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