she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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