i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
