come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
