like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize