i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
