so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
