so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
