Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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