ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
