even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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