It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
