The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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