Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
