I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
