I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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