yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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