My cat gives me a boner
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
