i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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