OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
