I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
