everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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