you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
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I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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