this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
