I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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