This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
