was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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