You're my little dorito
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
