I seem to have left my pride at pride
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize