so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
