The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
