My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
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He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He better not be in your backpack
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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