I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
A bitchslap is in order.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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